Dispensing the informalities

It's been a year and a month.  Of course it has.  I resolved not to resolve to update this blog with regularity.  I kept my non-resolution!  Yay!  Minor victories!

And I'm very tenuously holding onto any semblance of financial stability.  Still a Ready Reserve, still working the second job occasionally, actually took on a third job with a temp agency getting menial day jobs whenever available.  And I broke an airplane.

...

It still feels like a bad dream I just can't wake up from.  I broke an airplane.  I ran into the side of an aircraft with a bag cart and busted a $58,000 piece of equipment on the side of the plane.  I'm on probation.  I still have my job, but I'm on probation.

2014 probably ended up being the hardest year of my life.  I can't imagine 2015 being worse unless someone dies or something. I'm optimistic that won't be happening.

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Anyway, enough about me.  I have an actual New Year's Resolution this year, sort of!  And I'm keeping it so far!

I've resolved to do this:

I've wanted to read more for a while, and I figured this would be as good an excuse to get me going as any.  So I'm a month into it, and I've read six books! Well, I finished one on New Year's Day, but still!

So what I've decided is this: I'm going to actually update this blog as I finish each book.  Being six books in, I've got six book reviews/meditations to do to get caught up.  I don't have the time to get started on that quite yet, but I'll be getting to it as soon as I have some time.

It's nice to be actually accomplishing something.  Heh.

- jdb

Reflection, as per the norm, I guess

Happy New Year.

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This is the part where I look back on 2013 and marvel at how far I've come in only a year. Arguably, I have vastly more reason to do this in regards to 2013 than I have in many years prior. I became a father. I've moved from one massive-yet-isolated state to another massive-if-slightly-less-isolated state. I stepped down from a full-time position in Phoenix to a less-paying, less benefitted Ready Reserve position in Denver just so I could be with my family. I've actually applied for a second job here at the airport to ensure we're making enough to get by.

I could marvel, for sure, at the choices I've made and the consequences thereof, but since when has hindsight ever brought us anything but regret or nostalgia? I know what I did wrong this past year. I know what I've done right. I intend to continue with the right-doing.

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One thing I will not do is make a stupid New Year's Resolution.

I do not mean to say that New Year's Resolutions are, inherently, stupid. They can be useful, I think; they often, I also think, are not.

So, in accordance with this, I do NOT resolve the following:

1. To update this blog with any regularity. It simply isn't going to happen. I have no time. Ever. I'm gonna be working almost exclusively in the coming months, and when I'm not, I'll be a father and a husband. Or sleeping.
2. To "be a better" anything. No amount of sentiment will ever make this happen. And what does "better" mean here anyway? Better person? Better parent? Better card player? Either I'm a good person or I'm not. I refuse to guilt myself into thinking I'm not worthy of myself as I am.

What I DO resolve is this:
1. To be happy with who I am. There is nothing wrong with me.
2. To be happy with where I am. This is considerably harder. I know having kids is expensive, but I never expected it to hit us quite as hard as it has. I really love Colorado, but I did not want to move here, at least not like this. I will strive to be happy with my current situation, because it will not be like this forever. And in accordance with that...
3. To be back to financial stability/independence by the end of the summer. Preferably sooner. Some things need to go our way for that to happen, but I know we can get there.

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All things considered, I expect great things in 2014. My son will walk in the next few months. He'll start talking. He's already crawling everywhere and babbling up a storm. He's eating baby food now and seems to have figured out that non-milk foodstuffs can be kinda yummy.

This year should be a good one. Last year was wonderful and awful all at the same time, a bipolar year if ever there was one. I expect a much more chemically balanced year in 2014, if not an easy one.

So here's to the New Year. I expect a good one. How 'bout you?

- jdb